Diary entry of Andrew A. Bonar, Monday, 27th March 1843. -- from ‘Andrew A. Bonar Diary and Life’ published by Banner of Truth, p.98,99.
[Written two days after he learned of the passing of his beloved friend, Robert M. M’Cheyne]
Yesterday was truly solemn from morning to evening. I was able to preach composedly, but often at intervals, while the psalms were singing, and sometimes in prayer, the thought of Robert away was overwhelming. I had too much feeling of the event, too little care for God’s glory in it. The sight of his people coming out at the door, where often we passed out so happily together, his books, and then body laid that night out of our view forever! I feel as if there were less of God’s presence among us. I must myself live near God, and find what he found. Preached on Romans viii. 38, 39, and then upon verses 28-30; Patrick Miller upon Rev, vii., toward the end. He spoke of him removed from us in mercy and judgment; in judgment upon us for prizing the man and forgetting the Master; and mercy in order to bring us more to the Master. His forgetfulness of all that was not found to God’s glory was remarkable, and there seemed never a time when he was not himself feeling the presence of God. I feel submission, for I see my sins so great that I wonder at nothing God does in chastising me. How very unlike Robert am I! 2 Kings ii. much in my mind. O that his mantle would fall upon me! Evil days are begun. He was so reverent toward God, so full also in desire toward Him, whether in family prayer or at common ordinary meetings. He seemed never unprepared. His lamp was always burning and his loins always girt. I never knew it otherwise, even when we were journeying in Palestine. Lord, grant me henceforth more holiness; may I work among my people with deepest solemnity. Whether they feel God present or not, may I teach them I feel He is there. I have had joy also in this season through the sight of a living Saviour with whom I shall soon be, but especially in feeling how sweet it is to be near God, and drawn off from earth; the thought too of Christ coming again, it may be very soon. This terrible blow may be the answer to my prayers for holiness, for I used to pray that even if very awful, it were better that God should take the way that would make me holier, although I should suffer.
